Thomas got a special date with dad this afternoon. They went to the batting cages to hit some balls and then went out for ice cream. It has been a hard week for him and he needed a little special love.
Being a parent is an interesting thing to me. Sometimes it's fun and sometimes it's hard. Sometimes it's good and sometimes it's bad (and yes sometimes really bad). There are times when a little brother hugs his sister or when your little boy tells you just how much he loves Jesus. There are times too when a little boy comes home from school and cries because he's had a bad day. We've had a few of those this past week and they are rough.
Thomas has ALWAYS told me that he has no friends at school. I have watched him in the classroom and always found that hard to believe. This week I finally started to think, "Hey, maybe there is some truth to what he's saying, and even if there isn't, that's still what he believes." He came home and reported that he had no one to play with at recess and so had just walked the playground alone. What a sad thing for him and a terrifying thought for us.
A lot of his friends have started playing football at recess (the American kind complete with tackling) and Thomas never has been one for all that. He said that no one ever lets him play kick ball because he's small and so he's given up trying. He even asked his teacher if he could stay inside and help her at recess so he wouldn't have to be alone. Yesterday he came home and reported what a bad day he had had and went to his room and cried. We sat on the bed together. I didn't really know what to say. All I could do was hug him as he talked.
As Spense and I sat reading in bed we talked about Thomas. I asked him what we were going to do to fix this problem. He told me that sometimes there isn't anything that you can do. I told him, "No, we have to fix it." My first inclination is to want to change Thomas, to toughen him up. But then I would be changing the things that I love about him the most - that he's sweet and has a tender heart.
You see I think that Thomas is a great kid. He is kind. He cares about people. I want everyone to see the kid that I do. I want to go play with him at recess, but I guess that wouldn't be so cool! For right now all I can do is teach him who he is, and that person is special and worth something. I know he will work this out and I love him all the more because of that.
7 comments:
Its like looking in a mirror 20 years ago - only in personality (and perhaps the big brown eyes!) I know he will get through this! Friends turn and he will find new ones. He just has to get through this tough patch but it will happen! Perhaps we should loan you Chester - he is the best friend in the world - and also very cool so everyone will want to know Thomas and be just like him! We know that Thomas will find some confidence, and some special friends who see him for the boy we do. He will "fix" it in time. We really love and miss him and are so proud of the special person he is, and how grateful we are that he is such a special member of our family! I hope we get to see him soon!!!!!!! xx
Maybe if we lived near to each other Phoebe and Thomas could play together at reccess. Most days when I ask Phoebe who she played with she says nobody. I just played on my own. Sound familiar? It breaks your heart doesn't it. I tell her she has to find someone to play with. We ask her at night who she played with. Her problem is that she never has a special friend or a special group of friends. She just flits and plays with whoever. That is great and all but means that you end up alone at times because nobody is looking out for you or where you are. I hope Phoebe and Thomas find a great friend one day like I have. It just took 16 years to find her! I guess if it takes them bith 16 years to find a great friend like I have in you, it will be worth all of those years being lonely at recess! I'm thinking of you!
I think all children must go through this, our oldest two have both said the same thing to me at various times over their school years so far, and I'm sure we will have more to come. :( It's really hard to deal with as parents, I try to remind mine of good friends they have at Church, family or other places outside of school and try not to let them focus too much on the school friends. I hope he feels better about it soon, I think it's probably the hardest thing as a parent, knowing your child feels unhappy or anxious about something that is out of our control. Sounds like you're doing great with him anyway. X
Sorry, I posted twice somehow!
We've experienced a lot of those same feelings as Alex has gone through school. He just never was that outgoing child that made friends easily. It was especially hard when we moved here and middle school was a whole new experience. From our experience, Alex has always eventually made friends and felt comfortable. Some times it took longer than others. Hang in there...I understand how it really hurts as a parent to see your kids go through things like that.
School can be tough. I went through friend or lack of friend problems at certain stages. Thomas is sweet and I feel sad he feels this way too!
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